March 9, 2008

  • So, Friday was pretty kewl. I had my first gallery opening at the Bellwether Gallery of the Arts, in Downtown Springfield. It was amazing. No one really expected much of a turnout, due to that it was supposed to snow, and be 16 degrees. But it didn't snow, and it was about 30 degrees, and people just flocked into the gallery! It was great! I never in my wildest dream expected that many people. It was really great. I had alot of comments on my photos, not sure how many of them were said because I was there, or not, but at least they were said. I had alot of people tell me that they liked my Preying Mantis picture, especially the EMO highschoolers... Yeah... I also had a few challenges from people who thought one of my rose pictures was photoshoped. I DON'T LIKE PHOTOSHOP. If you know me at all, then you know that I try to take things as they are. If a picture is too dark, yeah, I may try to lighten it, but a good picture is a good picture, and I try to just take a good picture rather than taking an OK picture, and photoshoping it. It doesn't work for me that way. God helps me get the pictures I want, so why should I change them drastically to where you can't see his goodness in them anymore? I guess I am just wierd like that. Anyways, I thought I would also thank the people who did come to the gallery. I saw a few people from highschool, and some of my mom's friends, and some clients of mine; but ya know who wasn't there?! My friends... Of course my Steph, Randall, and Kalen are my friends, but none of my really close friends came at all. It is kind of sad. The people who said they were going to come, and the people who thought they would come, well they didn't... That kind of hurt...

    Anyways... Today I got hit pretty hard by emotions that have been grabbing ahold of me ALOT in the past 6 months. I am finding it harder and harder to be away from Chris, and of course everyone feels this way when they are away from their loved one, but this is different. I hurt so bad inside, that it makes me sit forward in a chair, or curl up when I am in bed. It makes my chest curl in to itself, and feel empty. My face gets red, my eyes feel hollow, and anything makes my eyes well up with tears. It hurts so bad thinking that I still have a year and 3 months to not be able to be around Chris very much. That of course is when we are getting married. I am just going crazy, and my head is too. I keep telling myself that I have to stay strong and get over this, it is the only way; but I honestly don't know how much longer my head and heart can deal with the distance. It isn't like I think about this every- waking second. I try not to think about it at all, but it doesn't help. Anything I do reminds me of him, and it just feels like a lifetime before I will see him again. Goodness it hurts right now. I have beeing praying and praying to get this pain to let up, but it just comes and hits me full force about 3 times a week. Today was no exception. The only way I got my mind off of it, alittle bit, was by going down to the lake with my parents with Jazz (my dog), and my parents. We just sat at their lakehouse, and watched T.V. and but Christmas stuff away. I know I don't have it as hard as other people, but I am just so tired of the heartache, and sunken feelings right now. I am always filled with such strong emotion, and I either start to cry, or get angry, so none of it really helps. How frustrating this is. Anyways, enough of me righting and sounding like an idiot.

    Keep the faith.

February 25, 2008

  • I am tired. I am frustrated. And I am taking it out on people. I am sorry. It is really hard to deal with this semester thus far, and to deal with everything right now. Please forgive me. I don't know why... I have just lost alittle something right now, I don't know where it is... just missing.

    Keep the faith.

February 18, 2008

  • So I returned home from Nashville today. The whole drive home I wanted to turn around and go back. It hurts really bad having to leave. especially since it is a 7 hour drive, that really doesn't help. I hate having to leave Chris. I find him home, more than I find my house home. He is who is there for me, and who I feel safe around. When I come home to my empty house, I don't feel as safe. I like to have him next to me in the night, he protects me, and watches out for me. I do understand that Jesus always keeps me safe, and always protects me, But I know he sent Chris to me to do all those things too. I am sick and tired of always having to leave him. See each other for a week, or even just a few days, that hurts. It hurts so much, that I just want to quit/transfer schools to where ever he is. The distance gets harder and harder. I cry everytime, and get alittle down for a while. I don't know what else to do right now, but to write about it.

    ANyways, this came in an e-mail from my uncle. I thought it was really nice.

    1
    - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

    During my second month of college, our professor
    gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student
    and had breezed through the questions until I read
    the last one:

    "What is the first
    name of the woman who cleans the school?"

    Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the
    cleaning woman several times. She was tall,
    dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?

    I handed in my paper, leaving the last question
    blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if
    the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

    "Absolutely, " said the professor. "In your careers,
    you will meet many people. All are significant. They
    deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is

    smile and say "hello."

    I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her
    name was Dorothy.

    2.
    - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

    One night, at 11:30 p.m. , an older African American
    woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway
    trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had
    broken down and she desperately needed a ride.

    Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
    A young white man stopped to help her, generally
    unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man
    took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a
    taxicab.

    She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his
    address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a
    knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a
    giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A
    special note was attached.

    It read:
    "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway
    the other night. The rain drenched not only my
    clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along.
    Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying
    husband's bedside just before he passed away... God
    bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving
    others."

    Sincerely,
    Mrs. Nat King Cole.

    3
    - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those
    who serve.

    In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,
    a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and
    sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in
    front of him.

    "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.
    "Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

    The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and
    studied the coins in it.

    "Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

    By now more people were waiting for a table and the
    waitress was growing impatient.

    "Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.

    The little boy again counted his coins.

    "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

    The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on
    the table and walked away The boy finished the ice
    cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress
    came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the
    table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish,
    were two nickels and five pennies..

    You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had
    to have enough left to leave her a tip.

    4
    - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.

    In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a
    roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if
    anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the
    king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by
    and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the
    King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did
    anything about getting the stone out of the way.

    Then a peasant came along carrying a load of
    vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the
    peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the
    stone to the side of the road. After much pushing
    and straining, he finally succeeded. After the
    peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed
    a purse lying in the road where the boulder had
    been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note
    from the King indicating that the gold was for the
    person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The
    peasant learned what many of us never understand!

    Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve
    our condition.

    5
    - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

    Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a
    hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was

    suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only
    chance of recovery appeared to be a blood
    transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had
    miraculously survived the same disease and had
    developed the antibodies needed to combat the
    illness. The doctor explained the situation to her
    little brother, and asked the little boy if he would
    be willing to give his blood to his sister.

    I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a
    deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save
    her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed
    next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing
    the color returning to her cheek. Then his face
    grew pale and his smile faded.

    He looked up at the doctor and asked with a
    trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away".

    Being young, the little boy had misund erstood the
    doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his
    sister all of his blood in order to save her.

    Keep the faith

February 1, 2008

  • I'm Sorry, I know! b I haven't updated this in a long time... I am just blocked from writing currently. School is alittle overwhelming. This is the first time that it feels like I won't be able to keep up with things, but hopefully I will be able to. I have three tests next week... BLAH...

    Anyways, I am going to Kansas City for the night and tomorrow. We are visiting my Brother. Pray that we drive safely!

    Keep the faith.

January 14, 2008

  • So... my first day of classes.
    I had four classes today... Tech. Writing, Managerial Accounting, Organizational Management, and Statistics....

    Not very fun, and my Management teacher things he is a hard *ss. It is funny. He is young, but still a "Dr."... and just lectured and lectured of how he was NOT going to take crap from anybody. It was funny, and annoying all at the same time. Other wise, all my other professors were women... They should be fine. I knew someone in every class. But tomorrow I venture into P.E. That should be fun... not... I am not looking forward to someone telling me AGAIN, that my thighs are too big, and fat for their stupid little gauge machine. The last time they did that to me in Highschool, the told me that my thighs were supposed to be unflexed, and they measured it all as fat. It made my fat index jump from 19 to like 22. Which is technically over weight for my weight class. Sad I know. My huge thighs... hum...I don't know about you... but if you have seen mine... they are all muscle.. so I don't know what they are talking about. Well I guess, I should go get organized!

    Keep the faith.

December 31, 2007

  • Ode to 2007

    So, what have I done this past year, in 2007. Well, alot...

    Well, at the beginning of the year, I started my last semester at Rolla, the last before I transfered. I lost contact with a few old friends, but still kept most of them. I also went to a Shinedown concert, my second. It was great! I Crowd-surfed! I went on a trip to Guatemala, which was incredible. I hated the cold showers, but they time, and photos I took make up for it. I turned 20, not much of a difference, but I don't feel that connected with teenagers now. I bought a house, I know sounds funny, but I did. I have a great back-yard, it is really nice. Well, except the previous owners tried to renuvate it, and it is really in nasty shape... I help two jobs, other than at my parents house, both are over now..... I got my images accepted into a Gallery downtown for this upcoming March. But the most important thing that happend to me in 2007, I got engaged to the best guy in the world. I can't believe that in just a year and a half I will be calling him my husband. It is strange to say. I can't wait to be his bride!

    Hopes for 2008:
    Get closer to God. Come on Marian, what happend?!
    Keep a job, and learn to enjoy it, and not complain about it every night.
    Plan more on our Wedding, with less stress!
    Clean my house more.
    Keep taking care of my self.
    Keep going in school, and finish up in 09.
    Don't be too too excited and jittery for May 09!!!!
    Oh... scratch the last one, I can't wait for May 09!

    Keep the faith.

December 21, 2007

  • SO, haven't updated in a while...yeah kind of sad...

    Anyways, I have had a great week and a half with Chris and his family. Chris came home on the 11th, the say before his birthday. I finished up my finals on wednesday, his birthday. He also decided not to transfer to MSU. He was thinking about doing that for our marriage, but he decided that Belmont has a much better program than MSU, so yeah. SO anyways, my house is decked out for the Holidays, and I am really excited for my Christmas present. The sad thing is, is that I know what it is. I am getting a really nice kitchenaid mixer. SO EXCITED!

    But yeah, Chris and his parents leave today to head to Africa. His sister is in the peace corp., so they are going to visit her. He hasn't seen her in a year and a half. Please pray that they travel safely! I wont get to see him this Christmas, or new years. They leave today and come back on the 6th. Sad... I know...

    Anyways, for brighter news, my photography got accepted to the Bellwether Gallery in Downtown Springfield. It will show in March. SO please come by on that Friday Art walk!!! I hope I can afford to put up all the work they want me to!

    Well, on this holiday season, I ask for prayer. I need prayer with seeing God in everything I do. I haven't been able to lately. I have been rather pesimestic too. So I just ask for your prayer in that I can find joy in the holiday season, and know that this is the season when Jesus was born.

    Keep the faith.

December 9, 2007

  • So, this week has been LONG. Last week of classes, and LOTS of work. My work is tiring, and makes me not want to deal with photographing much. It strains me. It makes me HATE my job, and some of the people don't help. I understand that at every job there are some downfalls, and I am not saying that mine are any worse than others. I am just tired of hating my jobs. Tired of losing track of my sanity while toughing it out. I do understand that that is what I am going to have to do with alot of my life, just wait it out, and tough it out, and things will get better. I have to keep believing that if I want to keep my sanity. I want change in my job, but Chris is right, I have to keep this one for me, and for my future. It has taught me a TON. Don't schedule 6 appointments per camera room, per hour! That is a good one. Also, don't dock your employee's for asking for help. That is the biggest issue I have had. I am not going to say anymore, because I need to get over it, but I don't care anymore. If you treat your employees like that, how should we treat you or our customers? It hurts when someone complains about my work, because I know I can do MUCH better than what I provide there. I blame it on the equipment and everything, but it is my lack of knowledge on posing, and everything that can't get good pictures. I am frustrated with that. My job is hard, your job is hard, everyone's job is hard. So could everyone just give everyone a break?! Please. Give us hard working people a break when we don't get things right the first time. Give us a break when we look for approval, and ask for help. Help us when we need help. Train us when we are for training. Compliment us to keep our morale up. DON"T SCHEDULE 88 APPOINTMENTS ON SATURDAYS. We had 30 families walk out on us last weekend, because our manager doesn't realize that a photography experience isn't how fast we can produce pictures, but the bond a child can make with the photographer, and their camera.

    On a good note today, I took two finals, I think I did pretty darn good on my religion final... surprisingly. It was world religion. So a bit harder than usual...

    I also spent a HUGE amount of money today on Myself, and Chris, for his birthday and Christmas. I hope he likes it! Anyways, I finally own Photography lighting! I don't have to rent anymore! How nice is that going to be???!!! Oh goodness am I excited...I am hopefully shooting my Friend Jennifer and her fiance tomorrow, so hopefully that shoot will go well, and be fun! Well... enough of me being tired and having a sore throat. Goodnight, and be careful.

    Keep the faith.

November 25, 2007

  • Chris Leaves tomorrow... (SAD FACE!)

    Pray that he gets to Nashville safely!

    Keep the faith

November 7, 2007

  • So I got invited to a group on facebook about Tips for Women about scams men/violators to to trap women. I clicked on the group so I could see what the group was really, and the first thing I saw was the picture which is a tall skinny woman with a belly shirt on holding what looks to be two bazookas... not really sure... Oh she is also in short shorts... not only a little demeaning... but whatever.

    Anyways, I began to read the tips of ways we can avoid being victims of crimes. Well most of them were common sense... like locking your car doors right when you get inside it. DUH... I have known how to do that since I was 2. I always lock my doors, mostly because I am extremely paranoid. My mom made me like that. She is from New York, so she always told me to lock the doors. So further into my story here, Here are the tips from the group:

    Crucial
    Because of recent abductions
    in daylight hours,refresh yourself
    of these things to do
    in an emergency situation...
    This is for you,
    and for you to share
    with your wife,
    your children,
    everyone you know.

    After reading these 9 crucial tips ,
    forward them to someone you care about.
    It never hurts to be careful
    in this crazy world we live in.

    Tip #1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do :
    The elbow
    is the strongest point
    on your body.
    If you are close enough to use it,
    do!

    Tip # 2. Learned this from a tourist guide
    in New Orleans
    If a robber asks
    for your wallet and/or purse,
    DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM
    Toss it away from you....
    chances are
    that he is more interested
    in your wallet and/or purse
    than you,
    and he will go
    for the wallet/purse.
    RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

    Tip # 3. If you are ever thrown
    into the trunk of a car,
    kick out the back tail lights
    and stick your arm out the hole
    and start waving like crazy.
    The driver won't see you,
    but everybody else will.
    This has saved lives.

    Tip # 4. Women have a tendency
    to get into their cars after shopping,
    eating, working, etc.,
    and just sit (doing their checkbook,
    or making a list, etc.
    DON'T DO THIS!)
    The predator
    will be watching you,
    and this is the perfect opportunity
    for him to get in
    on the passenger side,
    put a gun to your head,
    and tell you where to go.
    AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR ,
    LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

    and... If someone
    is in the car
    with a gun
    to your head
    DO NOT DRIVE OFF,
    repeat:
    DO NOT DRIVE OFF!
    Instead gun the engine
    and speed into anything,
    wrecking the car.
    Your Air Bag will save you.
    If the person is
    in the back seat
    they will get the worst of it .
    As soon as the car crashes
    bail out and run.
    It is better than having them
    find your body
    in a remote location.

    Tip # 5. A few notes about getting
    into your car in a parking lot,
    or parking garage:
    A..) Be aware:
    look around you,
    look into your car,
    at the passenger side floor ,
    and in the back seat
    B..) If you are parked next to a big van,
    enter your car from the passenger door .
    Most serial killers attack their victims
    by pulling them into their vans
    while the women are attempting
    to get into their cars.
    C..) Look at the car
    parked on the driver's side
    of your vehicle,
    and the passenger side.
    If a male is sitting alone
    in the seat nearest your car,
    you may want to walk back
    into the mall, or work,
    and get a guard/policeman
    to walk you back out.
    IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than
    dead.)

    Another tip i was resently given concerning cars, if you are ever locked into a car and the keys are in the ignition obviously drive that van away from there... fast! BUT if no keys are in the ignition jam it with something like a boby pin (break it in there) or even a wad of chewing gum... remember, leaving the primary location is the worst situation possible, if he cant start his van... he is going to have a much harder time transporting you.

    Tip #6. ALWAYS
    take the elevator
    instead of the stairs.
    (Stairwells are horrible places
    to be alone
    and the perfect crime spot.
    This is especially true at NIGHT!)

    Tip # 7. If the predator has a gun
    and you are not under his control,
    ALWAYS RUN!
    The predator will only hit you
    (a running target)
    4 in 100 times;
    And even then,
    it most likely
    WILL NOT
    be a vital organ.
    RUN,
    Preferably, in a zig -zag pattern! (This was confirmed in the K.C. Star)

    Tip # 8. As women,
    we are always trying
    to be sympathetic:
    STOP !
    It may get you raped,
    or killed.
    Ted Bundy,
    the serial killer,
    was a good-looking,
    well educated man,
    who ALWAYS played
    on the sympathies
    of unsuspecting women.
    He walked with a cane,
    or a limp,
    and often asked
    "for help"
    into his vehicle
    or with his vehicle,
    which is when he abducted
    his next victim.
    ************* Here it is *******
    Tip # 9. Another Safety Point:
    Someone just told me
    that her friend heard
    a crying baby on her porch
    the night before last,
    and she called the police
    because it was late
    and she thought it was weird.
    The police told her
    "Whatever you do,
    DO NOT
    open the door."
    The lady
    then said that
    it sounded like the baby
    had crawled near a window,
    and she was worried
    that it would crawl
    to the street
    and get run over.
    The policeman said,
    "We already have a unit on the way,
    whatever you do,
    DO NOT open the door."
    He told her that they think
    a serial killer
    has a baby's cry recorded
    and uses it to coax
    women out of their homes
    thinking that someone
    dropped off a baby
    He said they have not verified it,
    but have had several calls
    by women saying that
    they hear baby's cries
    outside their doors
    when they're home alone
    at night.

    Please pass this on and
    DO NOT
    open the door
    for a crying baby ----
    This
    e-mail should probably
    be taken seriously because
    the Crying Baby theory
    was mentioned on
    America 's Most Wanted
    this past Saturday
    when they profiled
    the serial killer in Louisiana

    another tip i was sent earlier:
    Know how much money you take into stores/gas stations.
    It is a new trend that preditors will see somone get into their car, and knock on their window. Then they will show them a $5 or $10 bill and tell them they dropped it on the way back to their car. After the woman thanks the kind man, and opens her door, he will grab her. It almost happened to one woman, but she knew she only too $5 with her into the gas station, so the change was not hers, another woman got raped by that man though.

    -----------------

    So, I bet you are wondering why I chose to write about this, well the thing is I have realized how paranoid EVERYONE is about each other. I usually am consciously thinking about that. I am always paranoid that someone is going to jump out at me, or come out from under my car, or attack me. I really am. So what did this make you think? Well, I know that I am very suspiscous about every guy that comes right up to me, at least the ones I don't know. Well, that is why homeless people freak me out so bad, because I am not afraid because of what they are, just how they act when they come up begging for money. They see how short I am, and think that they can take advantage of their normal height. Now I am not saying that all do this to me, but it surprisingly happens alot when my mom and I are in bigger cities. Anyways, so to get to the end of my story, I was actually confronted today. I was just about to put groceries in my car at Dillions on Sunshine, and this man with a ball cap on, who looked like he had alittle money, asked me if I knew about the colorado Ice storm, and proceeded to tell me that it is like the ice storm that was here last year. I immediately locked my car back right when he started to come up to my car, and I had the bascart in front of me, so he would have had to walk around it to get to me. Well, I felt alittle suspscious of him, because he told me that his two boys were at a gas station down the street and the icestorm had done damage to his car, and they didn't realize it until they were in Missouri, and their car wouldn't start. He sort of forcfully, asked me if I could give him anything, change cash, anything, he was $17 dollars short. Though it really looked like he was genuine in his speech, I told him honestly that I had absolutly nothing, I had no cash at all. Really I didn't. So he said thanks, and slowly walked off. I quickly put my groceries in my car, locked my car, and proceeded back inside Dillions to tell someone what just happend. On my way in, I notice that the man had bypassed a man getting into his car, and walked two more rows over to talk to another Woman about his story. THAT is when I really felt targeted. It scared the crap out of me. I walked more quickly into dillions and told an older lady at the checkout, and she immediately came outside with me and listened to my story. THe Woman in the parking lot, as well as her car wre gone. I only assume she drove off, becaues I thought I saw they guy walk off. But this was a man who looked extremely hurt emotionally, he was well kept, not homeless, but what am I supposed to think about him? Seriously? Do I have to start being suspscous to EVERYONE who walks up to me? How are we supposed to know whether someone is truely in need, or just fooling us. That is the problem, you can't usually. I am actually glad I did read what that group had posted. It made me on edge today, and made me think clearly when that man approached me. I just hope that that woman is ok, and if that man is truely in need, he will find a guy to go talk to, and not just woman.

    So, any thoughts?

    Keep the faith.