So, Summer is officially underway, and almost half way done... School is still way in session for me. It sucks. I am so burnt out, and want to throw a book at the next person I see. Chris is gone again. This summer didn't go as I had hoped. We got some important things done for the wedding, but I was hoping for alittle more.

I have kind of been feeling alittle strange lately. Do you ever catch yourself feeling like you are being rude, or alittle out of character and you don't know why, or can't seem to understand why on earth this character keeps coming out to visit? It sounds wierd, but I have been feeling rude. I don't mean to snap, but I do. I don't want to, but I do. It is frustrating. I just can't seem to figure out what is truely causing it. I have become sinical, again, and I hate that. I want to be happy again. I want to wake up in the morning and feel like I am going to have a great day instead of thinking, "WHO TURNED THE DAMN SUN ON?!" My attitude towards things feels like crap, but people around me assure me that it isn't. I don't know why I feel this way if they say I am not. Whatever. I am just tired of back-and-forth of everything. School, Chris, Family, Work, School, oh and did I mention SCHOOL. It never ends. I never have a break from school, and I know that is my own doing, and some time in the future I will be thanking myself for giving up my last summer of break from anything. Chris is gone again, I feel like I wasted our time with my attitude. I was so crabby, sorry hunny, I just was so worn out by my life that it was hard to focus heathilly on our relationship, so instead I just let it sit. While this was happening I felt uneasy about things. The general questions of having less than a year till we are married started to pop up, Am I ready for this, Can my attitude change, Is this really going to keep bothering me, Am I going to drive him away, will I be a good mom, do I have enough patience to be a wife? All these crap questions that keep haunting me everyday, 24/7. Life is at a standstill, and I know I only have a 11 months of this left... but dang I want it OVER WITH! Lord bring me peace.

Keep the faith.