So, Friday was pretty kewl. I had my first gallery opening at the Bellwether Gallery of the Arts, in Downtown Springfield. It was amazing. No one really expected much of a turnout, due to that it was supposed to snow, and be 16 degrees. But it didn't snow, and it was about 30 degrees, and people just flocked into the gallery! It was great! I never in my wildest dream expected that many people. It was really great. I had alot of comments on my photos, not sure how many of them were said because I was there, or not, but at least they were said. I had alot of people tell me that they liked my Preying Mantis picture, especially the EMO highschoolers... Yeah... I also had a few challenges from people who thought one of my rose pictures was photoshoped. I DON'T LIKE PHOTOSHOP. If you know me at all, then you know that I try to take things as they are. If a picture is too dark, yeah, I may try to lighten it, but a good picture is a good picture, and I try to just take a good picture rather than taking an OK picture, and photoshoping it. It doesn't work for me that way. God helps me get the pictures I want, so why should I change them drastically to where you can't see his goodness in them anymore? I guess I am just wierd like that. Anyways, I thought I would also thank the people who did come to the gallery. I saw a few people from highschool, and some of my mom's friends, and some clients of mine; but ya know who wasn't there?! My friends... Of course my Steph, Randall, and Kalen are my friends, but none of my really close friends came at all. It is kind of sad. The people who said they were going to come, and the people who thought they would come, well they didn't... That kind of hurt...

Anyways... Today I got hit pretty hard by emotions that have been grabbing ahold of me ALOT in the past 6 months. I am finding it harder and harder to be away from Chris, and of course everyone feels this way when they are away from their loved one, but this is different. I hurt so bad inside, that it makes me sit forward in a chair, or curl up when I am in bed. It makes my chest curl in to itself, and feel empty. My face gets red, my eyes feel hollow, and anything makes my eyes well up with tears. It hurts so bad thinking that I still have a year and 3 months to not be able to be around Chris very much. That of course is when we are getting married. I am just going crazy, and my head is too. I keep telling myself that I have to stay strong and get over this, it is the only way; but I honestly don't know how much longer my head and heart can deal with the distance. It isn't like I think about this every- waking second. I try not to think about it at all, but it doesn't help. Anything I do reminds me of him, and it just feels like a lifetime before I will see him again. Goodness it hurts right now. I have beeing praying and praying to get this pain to let up, but it just comes and hits me full force about 3 times a week. Today was no exception. The only way I got my mind off of it, alittle bit, was by going down to the lake with my parents with Jazz (my dog), and my parents. We just sat at their lakehouse, and watched T.V. and but Christmas stuff away. I know I don't have it as hard as other people, but I am just so tired of the heartache, and sunken feelings right now. I am always filled with such strong emotion, and I either start to cry, or get angry, so none of it really helps. How frustrating this is. Anyways, enough of me righting and sounding like an idiot.

Keep the faith.