So as I was working on a 4 year anniversary present for Chris, I couldn't help but blatenly be shoved into a conversation from a roommate. Thus, I can't consentrate, and so I am writing this. I find my self more and more reluctant to stay in the position I am in with this. I am turning rather violent in thought when I hear, speak, or think about this. Not real violent, but like wanting to throw something... I feel bad about thinking about stuff like that. But being so ready for a change is really annoying when things aren't on schedule.

Ya know what... I am not lowering my self to them anymore. I am doen writing about it, because if they see it, they will think I am being rude too. So screw it. I am done. I am done ignoring it. I am done writing about it, because it doens't just annoy you guys, it annoys me so much that I have to type things out and not just say them. So screw it. No more...I am jsut going to keep it to myself. Because no matter how I tell them, it doesn't go through, it doesn't register. It goes to NOWHERE.

So may God grant me patience on this subject, and the humility to not act, or treat them like this. Because it is wrong for me, and for them.

Keep the faith.

So, I am sick, tired, and stressed. Thankfully my stress has gone down about 90% due to I finished my Accounting homework last night at 11. Doesn't help that I wanted to go to bed at like 9:30 because I didn't feel good. Also, I had an accounting test today. So stress is down. I feel back for missing my nightly things. I didn't go to CCH yesturday, and I didn't make it to my girls group I go to on wed. nights. I feel bad for that, because I am one of the only ones who talks... Well it is 4 to 3 days to October. Change is happening soon. Hopefully. I love How I find things out before they are told to me. How strange, huh? Well, I guess it just isn't that important to tell me, just to leave the paper sitting around. Well, I am off to rest, and talk to my wonderful Fiance!

Keep the faith.

Have you ever noticed yourself talking on the cell phone, to someone who might do something for you. You are all nice, cheery, and happy to comply, and answer questions. Then you get back to the real world. You immediately hang up the phone, ignor everything around you, don't answer questions aimed towards you, and sound different in your tone of speech. Well that is what I noticed today.

When I speak to someone, I want it to be like I expect something out of them, and they expect something out of me. Not like Oh hi, I feel like I have more important things to do than to talk to you. So Think about it. Do you sound like that. Are you happy when you are on the phone, and then rude to the person next to you? I just find that hypocritical. If i do that, then I am sorry. I am going to try not to do that ever again. How hard is it to just be yourself anymore?

Keep the faith.

So I planted two Tree's yesturday. I planted an Apple Tree and a Pear Tree. I am really excited to have my own fruit... well they won't be actually prodcuing fruit until after I am married, but hey who could argue!!! I got a Red Delicious Apple tree... and I don't remember what pear tree it is... Also I planted a Crape Myrtle. SO excited for that! Well here are pictures...

Apple on Left, Pear on Right

Full force JAZZ!

Look, I am a dog who is afraid the camera is going to hurt me... seriously, she was driving me nuts!

Keep the Faith.

SO this week of school has ended... Many new things going on. The thing I wrote about in the last post issort of taken care of, but not fully yet. At the end of the month, is what I say, but we will see what is going to happen. I am just ready for change, and it hasn't happend as quickly as I thought it would. I know, I must be sick, I said I was ready for change...

Keep the faith.

So... I know, and am trying to follow what I have just learned. But As I was reminded this past week, You shouldn't expect anything out of anybody. As a Christian, I find my self combating that statement, but it seems to be become true, more and more. So if you don't expect a certain thing out of someone, what can you expect... Do you just take everything onto yourself then? Or is that too independent? All I know is I am frustrated. One thing I do expect is respect. And I don't get it. I do from some people, but not most. So how I do tell someone that I expect something from them? What if I have, and it isn't respected? It frustrates me, because I can't really complain to them, because, Hey I am not supposed to expect them to comply with what I asked anyways, right? So I am at a loss. I need to take a stand, but everytime I do, it is forced down. I need to make it clear. I try, and it gets shot down. I know I have covered this MANY times. It just frustrates me, because I can't yell at someone, because I am not supposed to expect otherwise from them. What crap. I have prayed about this alot, and if this means the end of a friendship, well, then there go all my friends. I will be hated, and I don't really want to do that. I hardly have any friends to begin with. But you would think that respect for someone else would not be too hard, but evidentally it is.

Please, if you have a comment about this, or what I should do, please let me know!

Please pray that I can figure out this situation.

Keep the faith.

I Own a Wedding Dress! I went to four places yesturday alone, and finally found it at Norman's In Lebanon. Every dress I tried on there was really pretty, and I likes, but I chose the firsto ne I tried on there. It is beautiful, and I hope Chris likes it, in a year and a half!

I have a strange dream last night...

Anyways, So my mom, yet again, told me I should be wearing heels to my wedding. I YET AGAIN, politly told her that I did not appreciate her asking me that, she knew what my answer was, and I would leave if she kept asking me. I thought I handled that well... like I had before! Well, I think I am going to the lake with my parents soon... so everyone have a safe a fun day.

Keep the faith.

So I am trying to get my photography into a gallery that is in Downtown Springfield. Please pray that their commitee will accept my pictures! I am really excited about this opportunity. I also have another opportunity for another gallery, Ij ust have to pick out different pictures I guess... Anyways, the gallery is the Bellwether Art Gallery, which is at 600 west College street, suite 116.

So last night I went to CCH at MSU. I do not understand why it is called CCH, it should be CCF... anyways...
I was able to be comfortable, and really feel the music. The message was about meaningless things. We read Ecc. Chapter 1:1-11. That passage stands for alot now of days. How many times have you heard someone being a pessimest saying "This is just going to happend again, nothing every changes." Well that is pretty much what the passage sounds like. This is from the NIV Bible:

Ecclesiastes Chapter 1:1-11

1 The words of the Teacher, [a] son of David, king in Jerusalem:
2 "Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."

3 What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun?

4 Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.

5 The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.

6 The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.

7 All streams flow into the sea,
yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from,
there they return again.

8 All things are wearisome,
more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.

9 What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.

10 Is there anything of which one can say,
"Look! This is something new"?
It was here already, long ago;
it was here before our time.

11 There is no remembrance of men of old,
and even those who are yet to come
will not be remembered
by those who follow.

Doesn't that sound really pessimistic? But it is so true. We do so many meaningless things on this earth. We listed some at CCH last night :
Making our bed, Girls shaving their legs, proof-reading papers for a job that were never wrong, going to UMR for two years with an Art and Business degree... so on and so forth...
We realized that these were all worldly things.

What do you find meaningless?

As we were sitting through this speal, about meanless things we began to account for the the things that do have meaning. Obviousy the first thing is Faith. I am so blessed with the faith I have now, and can't wait to build it up for the rest of my life. Faith has brought me to where I am today. God has brought me to where I am today. Without my faith in God, I would not be able to survive in this cruel world. God lets me wake up every morning, and try to keep a smile on my face all day so everyone can see it.
Then as the time went by this elderly man got up to talk to us. He was really funny at first, on commenting about what is Meaningless, he said, "Parting my hair," as you can guess he was bald on top. We laughed really hard. He continued with things that had meaning to him. His Marriage, he told us that it had been 49 years and 5 months. That is incredible! I know I want my marriage to last not only that long, but for the rest of my life! He also explained his children. One of his children was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy, and mental retardation at the age of one. As you know their family was deeply impacted by that. But with the faith in God he had, he has grown, and done more things that he finds meaningfull than he would have if God hadn't blessed him with his child. He also has another child who was normal, and now has a husband, and children. His son is now 47, and living strong.

I thought this story was so touching. I admit, I don't always do meaningful things. But I do strive to follow what God has shown before me. I am ready to commit to a marriage for the rest of my life. I am ready to become the faithful wife of a faithful husband. I am looking forward to loving each other unconditionally while we are married. I love him unconditionally now, but I know I get irritated easily. That is something everyone needs to work on. Those are the things that break up relationships, the little things that don't matter in the long run. What does matter in the long run? Faith with God through your partner, and faith in each other. I am so glad that I have so much faith in Chris. I can trust him with everything I hand to him. He may not feel trustworthy for things, but God has showed him that he can be trustworthy with my heart. That is what I want to feel everyday. I want to feel love, and give love unconditionally. I want to wake up next to my future husband and let him know how much I love him everyday, and pray for him everyday, and help him in times that are needed. I know this might sound wierd, but I want to clean up after him, as long as he will clean up after me too! I want to feel like a family. I want to go where he goes, and him to do the same. I can't wait to be able to have him hold me in his arms and call me his wife. That will be one of my most blessed days. I want to grow old with him, and know that when we get older, we will be that crazy old couple who acts like and old married couple, but helps each other out, and everyone can see the love that we possess for each other and for God. That is meaning to me.

Meaningfullness, also to me, is to have someone tell me what a good job I did, or calling me when I don't expect it and telling me they miss me. If I get accepted into this gallery, it will show that my photography has meaning. I aim to capture meaning with my photography, but sometimes pictures don't mean anything after a while.

So I ask again, what has meaning to you?!

Keep the faith.

MSU is going to be difficult. I didn't get very challenged in Rolla, and Here I am starting most of my business classes... and they are going to be a lot of reading... I don't like reading. Maybe half of my schedule will give me a break, but maybe not.

I am really tired. I did go to CCF at MSU last night. It was pretty good. I signed up for a small group of girls only. They are going to study Wild At Heart, which I read Captivating last year which is by the guys wife. I am excited to read this book and learn how God intends Guys to be treated by the world, and by us, and by God.

SO my week is semi uneventful right now. I am so ready for the weekend. No, I am ready for SUmmer! ha. Well I need to go to class.

Keep the faith.

So Pennsylvania was pretty good. The baby is adorable, and cute. I even got Chris to hold her!!! Baby leah is still as beautiful as can be!!! I already miss her! Jonah was still himself... asking alot of questions... he is in the why phase...

Here are some pictures.

Sleeping Eva!

I love this picture of Leah and I!!!

Oh the fun of slides... Jonah proceeded to KICK me down the slide...

I guess she was playing poke marian's face to find things!

Baby Leah kisses. She usually licks you more than kisses you. She is so cute!!!

Keep the faith